alt_mcgonagall | Entries tagged with frustration

A very happy Christmas to all of you, and a happy New Year.

Lucius, on the thirtieth I imagine I shall be caught in London for the night, attending various meetings and so forth for our Lord. Perhaps we might meet then to discuss the vast variety of Hogwarts-related topics we spoke about at your Christmas party?

I have not forgotten that I owe you a drink. Or three.

As the moot of prefects has seen fit to allow the Head Boy and Head Girl the Cruciatus curse, I shall not stand in their way.

I shall be watching most carefully for signs of any one abusing this power; I am still unconvinced that it is appropriate to encourage such abilities in children. I suppose, however, that the Head Boy and Head Girl have proven themselves, and that they shall be adults soon enough, and then they will be expected to deal with such difficult matters daily.

I do wish that Marius Flourish would take some Pepper-Up potion or similar. He was hacking throughout our Lord's meeting on Textbook Procurement and if I become ill due to his refusal to employ modern healing techniques, I shall be quite put out. All we need is an epidemic of some kind to make the schoolchildren truly enjoy their exams.

I received the following from Lucius Malfoy on 4 December:

Draco's entry of to-day may well be down to pre-exam nerves. However it should come as no surprise that I have been paying attention to Amycus Carrow's reports as well, irregular as they are. Given Draco's post, in combination with Carrow's recent forays into the artistic world, coupled with Carrow's entries of 2nd December and 19th November (c.f., comments exchanged between myself and Amycus), I suspect that your Transfiguration professor is playing somewhat free with the by-laws regarding magical attacks against students.

You might wish to question him more closely - I'm sure you do not mind the opportunity to call him to task and remind him that the school is not a hunting ground. Regardless of whether he is tampering with Draco, specifically, his demeanour in the journals could be misconstrued.

I've heard from two other Governors that they've received concerned owls from parents since he began writing in his journal, and I imagine you have had correspondence as well. Nonetheless, I am sure I can produce additional complaints if it will aid you in impressing upon Carrow his duties and the limits of his jurisdiction over his charges.

If I may be of any assistance, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Ha! There is nothing I should like better than to go after Carrow. But - damnably - he seems to be as clean as a whistle. I cannot find any evidence of wrongdoing whatsoever, at least, not towards students.

Young Boot is another matter entirely.

In any case, Molly, you might want to observe your sons closely. Should they report any trouble with Amycus Carrow whatsoever, I want to hear about it. Perhaps we have some hope of ousting him from the castle, if Lucius will take my side against him. Only we must have proof, which I daresay he is too clever to give us - the Lord Protector will persist in his strange affection for the creature.

Current Mood: grumpy

Sirius, if you are out there, please report in. I realize that you are quite busy but it is bizarre that you have not written more recently. Other Order members - have you heard from him? I've tried all my usual channels and some unusual ones and it's simply uncharacteristic of him not to write at least one if not two or three exhaustive reports on his doings by now.

~~If Sirius is in danger~~ I am sure he's not in any sort of danger, but I wish he would keep in better contact.

Molly, your sons have again proved their mettle: the Carrows engineered a quite humiliating scene for poor Boot to-night, and they spirited him away. I haven't the slightest idea of their intentions, but I imagine they shall clothe him - and thank Heavens for it, as I had no wish to see his pathetic little freezing chicken-legs scurrying around the castle. I cannot, of course, intervene myself, although I will have words with them over their public displays; if nothing else, they certainly must not believe it to be acceptable to torment him for the amusement of all the horrible creatures present.

Oh and they are horrible - the little piranhas - such glee in their eyes you never saw.

Current Mood: cold

Today I am so tightly wound that I suspect I thrum if you touch me.

Meeting with Lucius today was positively horrible. He, of course, is on to so many things I wish he wasn't - and none of it will likely lead to anything but of course there's the constant fear that it will. He isn't a Legilimens - but he might as well be, for all his probing questions.

Alice, I certainly hope that what Lupin was doing was worth it. Lucius wanted to know everything about it - whether he had told me where he'd gone, whether he'd had help, everything. I responded, of course, that he had been in the hospital wing but Lucius should have to ask Madam Pomfrey himself about Lupin's wounds; he seemed satisfied that I knew nothing about it. Which of course I don't. But I oughtn't have to protect him to Lucius, not with all the other things I must hide.

Oh, and there are plenty of other things I must hide. Before he got onto Lupin, he asked to see the book. Spent quite some time on 1983 in particular. The children from that year who were left out were Jane Dhesi and Felix Ferguson - Felix was the one who we took after the failed attempt for Dennis Creevey. Alice, of course you must be doubly and triply careful about it. They may be searching.

Next, some perceived slight to young Messrs Marvolo and Malfoy - I highly doubt that there is some grand conspiracy against them, no matter what has happened to Mr Marvolo's broom, although of course I mollified him by saying that I would look into it - and then he got on to the issue of the Boot boy. I had to call him in to satisfy Lucius, and I was afraid that he'd Cruciate the poor child, but he restrained himself. It could have been worse, of course, but I hate to see anyone grovel so, especially someone so tiny and insignificant as Boot. What pleasure can Lucius get from humiliating such a wretched creature?

Later, however, I spoke with Mr Boot in the hall, and he said something to the effect of "Boot knows what to say to him," meaning Lucius. I am not certain that his groveling was quite so heartfelt as it seemed. That is a comfort, I suppose.

Poppy says that the Boot boy is healing well and will be able to go back to work to-day. She still refuses a journal, of course, though I've tried to tell her how useful they can be: 'I'm here, aren't I?' she says, 'you can surely relay any messages, Minerva.' She has too much faith in the idea that I will always be here, that I will never be suspected or removed.

This weekend has been a Hell of convincing Amycus not to kill the Boot boy and to allow him to keep the journal. Miss Granger, you must impress upon the boy that the Carrow creature means his threats. I've thwarted him this time, but next time Boot won't be so lucky, I have no doubt. As for Longbottom, he is safe from lasting harm, but I exhausted my diplomacy on Boot and must allow Amycus some freedom with Longbottom so that he doesn't suspect me. That is to say, Longbottom has the short end of the stick this time, I fear.

Then, of course, the Marvolo child. Pomona reports that he gets along well with members of other Houses, despite the inevitable occasional flare-ups, and I am astonished to see his attempts to rationalise the Lord Protector's edicts - astonished, because I would have thought he would simply accept them. I hardly know whether to think that he and young Malfoy will lead Weasley Sextus and Longbottom into bigotry, or whether Weasley Sextus and Longbottom will have the upper hand. There is nothing to do but wait, of course, and eleven-year-old boys are difficult to predict.

Now: the Quidditch rosters and Rolanda's tentative game schedule need my attention.

The Lord Protector is coming to every single Quidditch match?!

Why did I allow Harry Marvolo on the team? What in Merlin's name was I thinking? How -

I am mostly angry at myself. I ought to have seen this coming.

Perhaps I ought to reinforce the Disillusionment charms on that certain place. I suppose we'll have to hope that he doesn't get lost in the corridors.

But the Boot boy has finally shown some spirit, which I suppose is one bright spot. More subtle than I'd have expected, as well.

This has been a trying week, despite the good news about Albus.

The Granger girl is of course settling in nicely, though opposition has come from quarters I would never have expected. Arthur, Molly, you need to speak to your son Percy, I think. But Boot! Poor child, poor, poor child!

And Regulus Black. What strange combination of events brought him and Albus out of hiding at the same time? What will he be? I scarcely remember him except as a wayward child, and after eleven years, he is certainly not a child. Nor is he harmless, however pitiful his response to his journal might have been.

This year, I fear, will be my worst yet. To have children who have never known anything but servitude, to have children who can be so roundly and thoroughly abused without any repercussions, to have my hands tied with respect to defending them - I cannot express the frustration, the anger, that I am constantly crushing down. The sadism!

If I had my mouth, I would bite.

Current Mood: angry

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